Question Behind the Question

Had a chance to listen to a book on CD on my way home from Arkansas. It’s a book by John Miller about Personal Accountability.

Basic Concepts:
*People place blame on everyone else for their problems - it’s part of our culture.
*People place blame with the questions they ask.
-Why did you (he, she, they) do that?
-When will you (he, she, they) get to that?
*Rephrase your questions to address what you can do, not what you can’t or won’t:
-Start with the word “What” or “How”
-Use only personal pronouns “I” or “me” not “You, we, they, he, she, or they”
-Follow it with an action (Help, fix, DO)

I think these concepts are important - especially regarding customer service. As someone who acts in a consulting manner - it’s not always about what I can do, it’s more often about helping others realize what they can do to address it. I think that personal accountability is a concept that we could all stand to hear about - (haha) - especially me.

mjd

In Case of a Flood

It took me visiting 6 stores to find dress shoes - and once I found them, I got a pair of black shoes and brown shoes. When you wear size 14 shoes, they’re not easy to find and there’s not much selection. My mom and I visited 5 stores in Little Rock on Saturday to no avail - although she did find a pair of shoes, a couple of pairs of pants and a couple of shirts.

My wife says that she’s taken care of in case of a flood - my shoes are built in boats.

I’ve gotta go to bed… I’m back in NJ and I have a long day of work ahead tomorrow…

mjd

White Chocolate

That was my wife’s nickname in college - that’s because we graduated from a college that was less than 4% white and about 95% African American - also known as an HBCU (Historically Black College or Univeristy). We graduate from UAPB (University of Arkansas at Pine Bluff).

The reason I bring this up, is that we’ve had 3 friends/family members mention in the past week that Chelsea is featured in a couple of pictures around the UAPB website (here and the one at the top of the post is from a rotating slide show on the home page)- she’s the white face of UAPB.

mjd

Poverty

Going home can be sweet and bitter at the same time. We had a great time with friends and family while we were home in Arkansas. We went to Chelsea’s aunt’s graduation. We are crazy proud of her - you folks who work full time, have families, and go to school are crazy! We’ve developed a pretty cool relationship with the youth pastors (Ken and Jennifer Noble) who came to FC after we left. We played Phase 10 with Shannon and Rich till late in the night on Saturday, and enjoyed time with our families at my parents’ house and my sister-in-law’s cabin in the woods. That’s the sweet part of our trip.

We always grew up understanding that the community we lived in was in poverty - but I think we were reminded just how much this weekend. We went downtown for the first time in nearly 2 years. 60-70% of the buildings are empty. The homes are in terrible shape. Our hearts were burdened again for our hometown. We are about to begin dedicating ourselves to praying to see the city come to life again. There’s no way it can happen outside of the influence of the church - getting outside the walls of the church and serving the city. That was the bitter part of our trip.

I’m so glad we got some time to go home and see our family - we’ve got about 2 months and we’ll get to visit again.

mjd

Titles

Thanks Fred, for your comment on my last post - it raised another thought inside of me.

I started on staff at a church when I was 19, and make no mistake - I wanted to be called “Pastor.” I think I lusted for titles more than anything else in the world. If I could have managed a way to do it with false humility, I probably would have worn a shirt every day with the word “PASTOR” plastered across the front. A couple of months into my position, I heard a teaching at a Bethany WPC conference by Claudia DeFejardo - it rocked my world. I got crazy-infatuated with loving people and not so worried with what they called me.

The funny thing is, that’s never who my dad was - he was always my example in ministry - but everyone called him BK. He never introduced himself as Bro. Kenny - he was just always Kenny to whomever he met.

One day at FC (about 3 years later), one of the church secretaries was trying to complete a list of phone numbers and she was worried about giving anyone the wrong title, so she asked my dad what my title was - he said he didn’t know. She asked what his title was and he said he didn’t know. I think we agreed that our titles didn’t matter - just call us “Bob” for all we cared.

Titles are a seductive thing at moments - but they contain little value. They may get you in the door, but I promise, they won’t keep you there. Christine Caine’s quote “What is ON you, will DESTROY you, if what is IN you, can’t SUSTAIN you.” In time, no matter what you call yourself or ask others to call you, your true colors will shine through :).

Today I’m a lot more concerned with BEING than I am in what I’m labeled. Titles are good for business cards, but you’ll know whether or not your pastoring by the late night phone calls, the tough situations where you have to deliver truth, the times of shepherding that take you to the limits of your own knowledge and wisdom, and the hurt that comes with all of it.

Thanks, Dad!

mjd

Worship Leader, Worship Pastor, or Musician

I was recently talking with a friend who’s launching a church and he asked me what my expectations would be if I were interviewing or hiring someone to lead worship for a church plant - here are my thoughts.

-I’ve seen 3 camps of people who lead worship. None of these are worse or better than any other, they’re just based on the needs and vision of the church.

Musician
I’ve seen lots of this in Nashville. This category (for me) is made of great players and vocalists who stand on front of the stage. Their ability to lead people into worship is non-existent. They deliver a good quality show that people applaud - often people just sit and watch these people exhibit their talents on the stage. These folks are most commonly found in the extreme seeker-sensitive church or in new church plants who are just looking to fill spots. The guys usually practice a chart according to a CD and they don’t vary. If it’s a single chorus, they’re going to keep it that way.

Worship Leaders
These folks are typically passionate about leading people into worship. They’ve taken it from musicianship to helping facilitate and serve others. These folks usually spend time prepping by writing charts, working arrangements, and plugging in the right musicians to the right spots. They do a good job on the stage of not just standing and singing but actually prompting the band of where to go (repeats, breaks, etc.) and helping the worshipers by giving them directions (sing that again, feeding the next word or phrase) and sometimes change songs on the spot to follow what’s happening in the room at the time. These folks often have good relationships with their teams and have developed great leadership skills.

Worship Pastors
My dad had this title at FC - I had this title at UC. I hear a lot of churches toss this title around and give it to lots of people who aren’t (and more importantly, aren’t interested in) pastors. Pastors are shepherds - more than just a leader, they shepherd the people who serve with them. They usually exhibit all of the items I wrote about in the Worship Leader section. The problem with those who are Worship Pastors, is that Sr. Pastors are often looking for less pastoring and more music-oriented serving from them. Another problem worship “pastors” run into is that they tend to draw people to themselves rather than to the vision of the church. It is good to have these folks in a church plant when you’re short on staff - they can multi-task to handle music and and shepherding people in the church.

What do you think?

mjd

Home

We’re on the road heading for White Hall for a mom-fest. As much as we love Nashville, there’s just something special that happens when we cross the river coming into Arkansas.

You’ve been there too long!

That’s God’s constant reminder to the Israelites as they wonder through the desert. He wanted to lead them directly into their promised land, but their doubt and disobedience pushed back the date of when they would enter. In the mean time, they would find a good spot, get settled, and God would have to say to them “You’ve been there too long.”

Sometimes on the way to fulfilling our dreams, we find a place that makes us feel safe and secure, and we quit taking risks. Have you been where you are for too long?

mjd

Follow-Through

So far in my short development career - I work materials and move on to my next project. I’m coming up on my 8th month with this customer, and it’s allowing me the opportunity to walk through my work being critiqued. More importantly, it’s teaching me not to respond when my work is critiqued. Reacting to criticism is a sure sign of immaturity.

This week in particular, some of the work that I put hours into developing and was later removed by the customer is being questioned. They want to know why it’s not there right now. I’m struggling with the guidelines for how much to turn over to the SME and how much to bull doze through and push my opinion. I really want to go back and blame this on my PM, but I’m the only one responsible for my work - as a matter of fact, I heard through the grapevine he was laid off. I want to go back and blame the person I had to pick up the work from, but he was also let go. I’m grateful for the opportunity to re-work the material as opposed to disappearing from the employee roster.

This probably didn’t make much sense, but there it is anyway!

mjd

Scared by the Calendar

Do you ever get look at your calendar and get scared? I feel like I’m just waiting on it to attack - 28 days in my own bed between now and the middle of July. Chel’s got about as many trips. This season is crazy - but when people in my business unit are laid off, you can’t complain about work. Job postings for training in Nashville have nearly dried up completely (I always apply for jobs when they come open - it develops interviewing skills and always keeps your name out there - and that’s not a bad thing). I blame the media for a lot of the freakout, but it is what it is. It looks like I should be busy with my current customer through July.

We were trying to schedule to be gone at alternate times so we wouldn’t have to pay for boarding the dog - but forget that. Seeing my wife is waaaayyyy more important - so I’ll pay whatever I have to for the dog to be boarded. We’re going to try to start scheduling our trips for the same weeks. We’ll see how that works.

mjd